It's raining this morning. A steady, heavy, stay-inside sort of rain. As if I wasn't unmotivated enough. In the ebb and flow, up and down of my time, this is a low and an ebb. I dislike these times, though perhaps I should learn to embrace them along with the ups and the flows.
I try to analyze the sources of my discontent. So many things from which to choose, yet a week or two ago, there were as many joys and delights as there are now frets and anxieties. What were they? The sun was out. My husband still had summer left to spend with me. No family tensions had made an appearance, and I was able to put my issues with our neighbor in their proper place, which is to say, not giving him or his ego the time of day, spending no power, time, or gifts on him.
This week I am both overwhelmed and undermotivated. Bad combination. I need to run and no one will make me. My classroom needs work and I have a new curriculum to learn, but I would rather read my book and drink tea. Friends are coming to camp tomorrow and I have made no preparations whatsoever for this event.
Tansy has been throwing up every other day or so, repeatedly. Our new fridge is making sounds like a dying cow. We have to hire a lawyer to deal with our unreasonable and freakishly property-obsessed neighbor. Our house is filthy and full of pet hair in all of the corners. Laundry needs doing, though I would just as soon wear the same thing every day, my recently tie-dyed pants and my Brian Vander Ark t-shirt. Certain friends lives seem to be changing, or they are changing, or maybe I am changing... these shifts always frighten me. We owe an outrageous sum of money due to a 2 year accident on our tax forms. There is a pair of $300 boots that want me to take them home this fall...
So make an effort! Look on the bright side! Think positively! Count your blessings! ... right. So, the bright side is... these conditions are not permanent. And thinking positively and counting my blessings? At least I have a new fridge when my other broke. I have friends who want to come hang out and camp with me. I have a wonderful, albeit filthy, home. The pet hair is a price I pay for the priceless love of my furry friends. My clothes that need washing are cute and plentiful. We may owe money, but we have jobs. My neighbor provides me with constant testing of my patience and my ability to find serenity despite conflict. I CAN run, though I don't feel like it. My legs operate well. My new classroom and curriculum means that I was able to remove myself from an untenable situation. And at least I have a husband worth missing when he's gone.
It's still raining.