Dear Tansy,
I feel as if my life has died. So much of what made me happy had you entwined all through it. I feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and the tunnel is dark and pointless. You were my comfort and my joy. you came with me even to work in my writing models and Good Things. You were why I ran, so many times, and you were a joy to make happy and tired. You were a beautiful ribbon woven into my marriage, and a reason to keep going sometimes when everything else was hard.
I knew every moment with you was precious. I never took you for granted. When I held you, I secretly mourned the day I would lose you, but I had no inkling it would be so soon. I thought I could protect you from everything with good food, exercise, love, vigilance, and the force of my will and my love. I knew whenever you were a little "off" and I could read your every mood and nuance. But I never saw this evil thing coming. It came with no warning and took you away so viciously.
I want to scream and hate someone for doing this to you, to us. I am so ANGRY and sad.
I miss you like a phantom limb, but it was attached to my heart. Where are you? Are you lonely? Do you miss us? I'm so, so sorry, Tansy. I would have done anything to keep you alive and happy. I'm so sorry you had to go, that we had to let you go so that your pain would end.
I love you, my gorgeous, smart, soft, adorable, affectionate girl.
I will love you forever.
Love,
Mama
p.s. please come visit my dreams with your sweet face and soft ears.
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